Los Angeles, CA – The undead will be high-fiving at their brain barbeques this weekend knowing that a Lite version of their favorite iPad app will be available to the shambling hordes for free. Brain Eater’s Bible – Lite was unveiled in the iTunes App Store June 30th, giving zombie insurgents wider access to the multi-media field manual that has been so critical to their revolution. In addition, the full version of the app will be reduced in price to $4.99 until July 10th. “Freedom for zombies isn’t free,” says J.D. McGhoul, the app’s undead author, “but this free edition does democratize important information.” He goes on to explain that, “Brain Eater’s Bible – Lite will at least guide...

For those of you who don’t already know, May has been dubbed “Zombie Appreciation Month” by an organization called “The Zombie Rights Campaign.”  While I applaud any zombie who stands up and fights against our mass extermination, this political dialogue is not the answer to our problems.  We’ve already learned from the civil rights movement that human understanding grows at a glacial pace, and as a zombie, I’m too pissed off to be asking the uninfected for their appreciation.  If you want to negotiate with them, do it by bringing their civilization to its knees; you’re bound to get better terms that way.  And has the ZRC forgotten that freshies are what we eat?  If a person wants bacon,...

In your pre-infected life, did you ever crack open a peanut shell and find that there were three peanuts in there instead of the standard two? Siamese twins give me that same feeling: like nature threw me a bone. Not only do you get two brains in one package, but Siamese twins can’t run worth a damn, so bagging a “two-banger” is easy work even for a rookie. Of course, only 1 in 100,000 freshies is a conjoined twin, so you should rightly feel like you hit the lotto if you encounter a pair. I’ll cross my peeling fingers that someday you get to experience that elation.

Dr. Lecter Picks Ray Liotta’s Brain in “Hannibal”   What zombie doesn’t feel a tickle in his gizzard when he sees a picture like this?  Brains are the best eating when they are fresh, and no brain could be fresher than one that still sits in the head of a live human being. And with the whole top of the skull removed?  I mean, come on.  Don’t you just want to bury your face in it?  Of course, I was shattered when I found out that this cinematic little scene would not be possible in real life.  Dr. K, my brain surgeon friend, tells me that you have to go in through one side of the skull or the...

The condition of healthcare in the United States has been abysmal for decades now compared to the rest of the developed world.  Democrats eked through some cheap, half-measure legislation to try to get the ball rolling, but Republicans are fighting to repeal that as we speak.  It looks now like Medicare and Medicaid will both be cut as part of the new budget, and all the while, insurance companies continue to gouge the eyes out of the American public.  People don’t know which way is up when it comes to taking care of themselves.  So what should you do?  Quit being a pansy and become part of the problem.  Get infected with the PACE virus and get busy destroying...

Nothing is more despicable among zombies than a “freshie wanna-be.”  These clowns know damn well they’re dead, but they keep on dressing their faces with makeup and mortician’s wax so they can walk among the living.  Being a zombie myself, I’ve got impeccable “z-dar” and can spot these pretenders with tremendous accuracy.  Here are some of the most famous people currently hiding their undead status:   #5 – Willem DaFoe I almost hate to out Willem because he’s done so much amazing work on the screen, but a hypocrite is a hypocrite.  According to my sources, he was killed and reanimated while working on the set of Platoon and has been trading on his ghoulish charisma in show business...